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Review of Dare to Lead by Brené Brown

Brené Brown is one of my favorite speakers, teachers, and writers as she reaches between the gaps of psychology, work place culture, religion, and faith.  I have been an avid studier and reader of Brené for the past couple of years and have been taken aback by her influence of wisdom that seems to be penetrating every sphere, because no matter how successful our companies or missions are, they will always be filled with people.

So Brené steps up to the plate, equipping leaders of companies, organizations, churches, and movements both in positions of head leadership to midlevel with skills of how to have courageous conversation which she terms “rumbling.”  I learned of Dare To Lead at Catalyst Atlanta, a Christian leadership conference and was eager to read as I had read a number of Brené’s previous works.  In beginning Dare to Lead, I was honestly somewhat disappointed and curious if I would finish the book.  I found the first part of Brené’s work to be somewhat repetitive of previous works, just reapplied to the workplace.  I missed the stories and examples offered in Braving the Wilderness and The Gift of Imperfection which really gave the concepts she was describing flesh and bones.   Nevertheless, I persisted.

Speaking is about the uncontrollable, unconventional art of connection.

Wrapping up my first year of my full time, big girl position, in my first year of supervising direct reports, I kept reading to see what I could learn.  And the insights were endless.  Brené entered into the work place which can seem so institutionalized and cold sharing on shame, vulnerability, the need for connection, and ways to show up brave, bold, and honest.

She told stories of her work with various companies on the ideas of courage and connection including various military units, fuel companies, and countless other variations of companies internationally.  Yet, what struck me the most were her stories of taking what they teach and train into practice into their own companies through activities like having each person identify and share their 2 key values, why those are important to them, and how this evidences in their work.

Amidst each of these topics, Brené dives in deep on empathy.  She offers incredibly insightful do’s and don’t’s on entering into difficulty with people.  I found myself wanting to soak in every word she shared as I have personally been so built up by healthy empathy and so turned off and angered by unhealthy empathy, to the degree that I was at a local salad and sandwich restaurant when their computer system was down.  Naturally (because these kind of things always happen to me) I was the person in line ordering when everything crashed.  I found myself starting the narrative of “Of course this happened to me” and beginning to make a plan B then I begin to really see the girl across the counter from me.  Beneath her hat and brave face, her eyes were darting in every direction seeing all of the customers she needed to serve, unsure of how to respond in this moment.  So, I leaned in.  I heard Brené coaching me in my head on what to say and what to avoid.  Sure, I in no way fixed the situation but I was charged to be present with her in that moment of fear and panic.

A response can rarely make something better.  Connection is what heals.

Upon reading Dare to Lead I have found myself using skills Brené teaches right away in my work place, on my small teams and big ones, with my direct reports and with those I report to.  I have found myself seeing the people around me differently and as I value them more and lean into my curiosity, finding myself much more generous with them.  I have since recommended Dare to Lead to many due to its specific insight, relevant research, and challenging message that is vital to any company culture.

Vulnerability is the greatest casualty of trauma.


dalton-31My name is Emily Katherine.  On this page you’ll find lessons I’ve learned through my own story.  You’ll find book reviews and recommendations.  And in between you’ll find a few resources I use in teaching middle school through college students.

I would love to hear from you through your comments!  Click the follow button to stay in touch.

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Review of Brené Brown’s Braving the Wilderness

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Belonging so much to yourself that you’re willing to stand alone is a wilderness.

Brené Brown puts out incredible work, TED Talks, and literature precisely at the intersection of my nerdy love for psychology, heart for authenticity, and passion for Christianity.  A very wilderness she has braved on her own of merging those worlds of psychology and Christianity together, often facing adversity on both ends.

Professionally, Brené is a researcher.  She is a renowned clinical psychologist with incredible books and talks on bravery and vulnerability.  This book, specifically, looks into the idea of “braving the wilderness” or standing alone in a world or context all your own.  Brené describes knowing your place and beliefs so firmly and having such a strong sense of self that you, as an individual, can healthily enter community with others.

She describes this wilderness, this path from what everyone wants of me and how everyone else has demanded I show up, to becoming who you most authentically are as a wilderness.  A scary path that requires great courage.  It was in this honesty I fell in love again with her authenticity and such precisely fitting interjections of profanity.

Do not think you can be brave with your life and your work and never disappoint anybody.  It doesn’t work that way.

Brené dives deeply into research regarding loneliness.  While my generation of millennials are the most connected generation of all time, maintaining regular contact with exponentially more people on an hourly basis than ever in human history, we are reportedly the generation most starved for true authentic connection.  Her research describes how such loneliness, such absence of deep and meaningful connection effects our entire beings, including our physical health.  Yet, it’s an ache we’re unwilling to admit.  An ache which carries great shame, often the shame of rejection or the terrifying belief that maybe that little voice in our head that keeps on whispering “You are not enough.”  is right.

Denying that you feel lonely makes no more sense than denying that you feel hungry.

Beyond loneliness, Brené unpacks the difficulty of relationships and the courage they often require.

Pretending everything is okay is not loyalty or love.  That’s fear.


Here’s the heart of this review:

I deeply love Brené and will forever and always support all things she publishes.  I loved this book, have recommended it to others, and would love to read it again.

Here’s my disclaimer:  This book has some political parts that at a couple points made me want to stop reading (Insert your millennial jokes here.).  So don’t let it derail you.  There is great information in this book that I’ve found myself often quoting in my head.

People are hard to hate from close up.  Move in.


And in the vein of the lack of connectedness, if you feel like you are lacking when it comes to friends, let’s talk.  Comment below to start a conversation, because people need people.

 

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Thanks for stopping by!  My name is Emily Katherine.  On this page you’ll find lessons I’ve learned through my own story, primarily in the sudden loss of my precious Dad on my 22nd birthday.  You’ll find book reviews and recommendations.  And in between you’ll find a few resources I use in teaching middle school through college students.

I would love to hear from you through your comments!  Click the follow button to stay in touch.

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Review: Men, Women, and Worthiness by Brené Brown

YES.

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This “read” via Audible by Brené Brown is one of my favorites I’ve ever listened to.  I am deeply passionate about gender equality so this text grabbed my attention.  As I listened to Brené’s discourse, I quickly found myself sending the link to Men, Women, and Worthiness to countless friends and colleagues.

I’ve not been able to find this work in print.  I listened on Audible and it’s also available as an audio download on Amazon.

Brené discusses in depth the shame women experience each and every day of not being enough: working and not being the classroom mom, sitting in the carpool line with no make up on, etc.  She shares research and meta-analyses that she’s performed but I found what brings the message of Men, Women, and Worthiness so close to home is Brené’s own personal stories interspersed, like the woman in the carpool line saying, “Working so much must be so hard on your family” and the way she named and handled the shame she experienced.

I love the way Brené highlighted and discussed shame, bringing light to the everyday experiences of shame I face and carry, often misnaming or suppressing.  She shared how advantageous it is to know your shame triggers and know the way you respond.  Upon listening to Men, Women, and Worthiness I began practicing phrases she offered when I would experience shame, “Don’t back down.  Don’t puff up.  Stand your ground” I would chant in my head in moments of shame until I felt the strength to again walk out of my shame cave and show up present, knowing just how vulnerable that presence is.

This work also beautifully discusses the value of friendship, empathy, and “me toos”.  Brown shares a graphic story of a grandmother who was passed out on the couch from drugs.  The mom needed her body moved before her kids came home from school, so she called a friend to come help her move the body.  And we need more friends like this, especially as women.  Friends we can call to move lifeless bodies that carry so much shame for us and know they won’t judge us.

In the midst of Men, Women, and Worthiness, Brown described being challenged in her research to reach across the line and not just study and teach on the shame women carry, but furthermore the shame men carry- about their bodies, jobs, confidence, etc.  She found there was little research in this field and very few discussing the topic of shame for men.

I greatly enjoyed Men, Women, and Worthiness, wanted more upon its conclusion and would recommend this read to anyone.