Dreams, spiders, and a new identity


I woke up this morning from a dream of things I had long forgotten.

Satan has been so consistent this summer to stir up thoughts and scars right before weeks of ministry, so naturally my last night sleeping in my room before I leave for Chicago, these thoughts stir back up. Thoughts of who I was, choices I made, labels I walked right into like spider webs I never saw coming but were impossible to shake.

The enemy is so wise to know I am my most powerless first thing in the morning, so those thoughts just continued. As I showered, I began spiraling into a place of reminding myself of who I have been and telling myself I had no place to be leading over the next few days.

But the Lord brought me back to a beautiful few verses He pointed out to me for the first time recently.

“For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress. Likewise, my brothers, you also have died to the law through the body of Christ, so that you may belong to another, to him who has been raised from the dead, in order that we may bear fruit for God.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭7:2-4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

We don’t remind a woman of who her husband was if he has been dead for sometime and she is getting remarried. Though this feels gruesome and heartless, the Lord spoke over me through his word: My child, SIN IS DEAD. Who I was, my old identity, dumb choices, and unfortunate circumstances do not define me. I am released from the power of sin. I don’t belong to those labels. I belong to Him.

I am walking into a trip where students learn their “strengths” or giftings, so they can know their role when it comes to serving in the Body and in the world. One of the questions we have walked through as coaches is “Is focusing on our strengths like ignoring sin?” And I am a firm believer we should be so aware of those “holes in our armor” I like to call them. Those areas of our heart Satan always aims his arrows at because he knows we’re weak there. Yes, we should be aware of our sin- of our deep need for our Redeemer. But also, we should be so overwhelmingly aware of our new identity- His righteousness.

So I am shaking off these spiderwebs and stomping the very spider that formed them because he is powerless, and so are his webs.

And our Redeemer is beautiful because He is so faithful to meet me here, in my big pile of nothingness- with nothing to offer Him but scars and hurts. But He always picks me up right here and says “You are mine.”

And I’m loved by You. It’s who I am.

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